Yelling

I work hard to be a good mom to my kids.  Being with them almost all day, every day, without a lot of breaks and being responsible for their schooling can sometimes feel like too much.  I keep myself afloat by always questioning myself, seeking answers and new parenting and homeschooling techniques in studies, books and articles. My good behavior is what I want my children to model.

Even so, I make mistakes and display less than desirable behavior when pushed to my limits.  For example, I had yelled at my son the day before during one of our homeschooling activities and felt awful about it as soon as I finished. Today I read a 2009 article in the New York Times titled ‘For Some Parents, Shouting is the New Spanking'(http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html).  As I read, I shriveled up inside with shame at the loud voice I had used the day before, a classic reaction according to the article.

Though I only yell once in a blue moon, it can still have very negative effect on the child. Studies show when children are yelled at in anger, they perceive it as rejection. The part of the article that really brought it home though was when it asks the reader to imagine someone yelling at he or she like that at work. Something like that would probably make me feel badly  for days and I would have a very hard time concentrating. It really showed me what my yelling must do to my child.  It doesn’t help him retain information better. If anything, it probably has the opposite effect.

I want to take it back but alas, all I can do is show restraint next time. I need to remember yelling is counterproductive to his learning and it’s damaging to his self esteem.

Article By Nuria Almeida

Picture By woodleywonderworks

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One comment

  1. Hi Nuria! So, my daughter is 3 and a half. She is VERY strong willed and feeling her independence. I don’t hit her and I TRY not to yell but it happens and I do feel horrible afterwards because I know I truely hurt her feelings and she is only 3 (although she does talk like an adult sometimes, lol). But when I do yell, it is when nothing else is working…….for example, just last night, she was taking a bath. For her, bath time is fun time so I let her stay in the bath and play for about a half hour or so. She was in tub playing and I was in my bedroom which faces the bathroom so I have sight of what she is doing and all. Anyway, while she was playing she accidently hit the drain and the water started to let out of the tub. I told her bath time is now over because it was getting late. She was VERY upset because she knew if she hadn’t hit that drain she would have been able to play a little bit longer. So the yelling and screaming and crying begins that she wants more water. I calmly explain it’s late and I was about to get her out any way and she had a movie waiting for her (part of night routine). She yelled and screamed and cried as the water was going down the drain and she would NOT get out of the tub and would NOT let me put the towel around her….she just sat there in a fit. I left the towel next to the tub and I asked her to calm down or else we would just go straight to bed and not follow our usual routine of half an hour of TV and then our story time. She went on and on and on……….I left the bathroom. Well, that didn’t work, lol….the screaming and crying continued. I went back into the bathroom and now there is no water in the tub and she is just sitting there naked and screaming. Again I went to put the towel around her and she didn’t want me to go near her! She just wanted that water back in the tub, lol. I demanded she get out of the tub but still not yelling just firmly telling her she needs to get out. She kept on so again I left the bathroom……finally I went back in and I than yelled and demanded she get out of the tub and she did. Once she was out I wrapped the towel around her and sat her on my lap and just rubbed her back and she cried and FINALLY calmed down. I feel like I should have been able to handle it better with out yelling at her but that was the only thing that worked at that moment. How would you have handled that differently? And PLEASE don’t say you would have just given her more water when she asked lol


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